Thursday, February 12

the light at the end of the tunnel...

not so many years ago (3 to be exact) I was in a very different place. I used to fantasize about having twin 3 year olds and a 4 year old like I do now. My life at that point was changing at least 20 nappies a day, living on maximum of 3 hours sleep a night, being tired, frustrated, never being able to relax... 24-hour-a-day-feeding-changing-cleaning-settling-crying robot.

I loved my girls but oh my I wasn't enjoying my life. It was just so intense. I couldn't see my way out of the fog. I was drowning in the enormity of raising 3 children under 2. My hubby was going to work and trying not to fall asleep behind the wheel every day. He was short-tempered (like me) and stressed and like me felt like he never got a break.

I remember resenting him because he did get to go to work. He got to talk to adults. He got to have a cup of coffee and drink it all at once. He got to eat his lunch in one sitting. He only had to smell of baby vomit for a few hours a day. What I didn't consider is that he had to maintain a professional career on little sleep and then dread coming home to an overwraught wife with three babies that she ceremoniously handed over the minute he stepped in the door so she could either finish dinner, have a shower or go to the toilet. If he was 5 minutes late there would be tears because she hung out for that time you walked in the door and shared the load.

And when people say 'oh I miss when my daughter/son was a baby' I don't feel that way. I say 'there's not enough money in the world to make me do that again'. And that's sad you know? It was just so hard.

I love it now, and I can almost say it was worth all of that stress and strain on our marriage and finances because we aren't waiting for the 'baby' to grow up. We don't have to hang on to things forever until X grows out of it. 18 months difference from eldest to youngest is brilliant.. they like doing the same things, we feel like we're moving forward as a family now. We get sleep now.

I wish I enjoyed their babyhood more. I wish I wasn't so tired. I'm happy I took lots of photos because without them, it would be a blur.

I love them more than anything my three girls.

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2 lovely comments:

Chantelle on February 13, 2009 at 5:19 AM said... [Reply to this amazing comment]

What a beautiful post. It must have been extremely intense. Thanks for being honest. x

Katy on February 13, 2009 at 7:57 AM said... [Reply to this amazing comment]

It's so refreshing that you're being honest! So many people lie when they say how easy it is to have so many littlies! You've done a fabulous job, and your efforts are showing.


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