I had the most bizarrely wonderful conversation one night last week. Actually I had a few. But this one in particular started at a Wynard bus station when I was on my way home from ticking something off my bucket list. (Saw and met my favourite author!)
A woman sat next to me and literally started ravishing a takeaway salad. At 10.45pm at night. I figured she must be a busy shiftworker or mum. Or both. In any case she noticed my amusement at her ravenous grabbings of salad and apologised to which I responded 'no, please, you look like you need it'.
We got talking about authors, writing, blogs (turns out she's a personal friend of these wonderful bloggers) and we got chatting about motherhood, as mothers do.
We exchanged 'war stories' and when she said she hadn't planned to have a 5 year gap between her kids but that's the way it happened - and she felt fate had stepped in because she felt she had sacrificed less of her identity to motherhood, being able to juggle an identity with a baby/child and into school before the next baby arrived.
It got me thinking. I had such a ridiculous small break between my three girls (18 months) that I did sacrifice particularly after having Laura and Olivia my identity, and slowly but surely I'm regaining the parts of me that make me... me.
Am I a 'new' me? With the imminent return back to work will I just take on another mask 'work me' then 'home me' - where is the 'me-me?' I'm not sure.
What makes me --- me? Is it internal, external, esteem, environment... everything? I find myself 'reclaiming' things in my life (like seeing my favourite author, this month I've managed to catch up on one of his novels (one to go) which is something I've not been able to do - or rather not prioritised for the past five years.
This I like to call 'accidental martyrdom' because I immersed myself in motherhood - my children needed me - and I needed to be with them. Not a sacrifice, I'm not a martyr - but I can see how when you come out of the fog of the 'early years' you start to realise what you have been missing out on and people may view that as 'all the stuff you gave up' to have kids.
What do you think?
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